i don't know why i got the urge to type so much.i think its cos i'm missing you.alright i decided i shall write it soon.i really don't understand how can u leave me hanging like that.is it really not her?why is it that you're so damn important to me now?am i not important at all?will you miss me?will you hug the pillow to sleep (if you even brought it)? will you wear the ring? will you not be able to fall asleep missing me? cos i will. i find it a problem just getting past one entire day.di i want you too much?

 
i don't know why but i always panic at night.maybe it's cos i'm so used to havin you around.how i'll talk to you online every night.and on the phone.the worse thing is that you're away now.and you left me just like that.it'll be much easier if you were away and i were to miss you properly knowing you'll miss me back too.or if you told me to go but you were still around so i could slowly gt used to you not being here anymore.the sudden disappearance is scary.and i feel completely helpless and lost.it's really quite bad.so can you please come back and help me out?

没有你日子很黑白

 
how how.today's day1.i don't think i survived it very well.the morning was a bad start.trying hard.argh.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice

I know how many times I said
I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know

that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe

carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way

and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back...

 
i can't.i really can't.i'm crying so bloody hard i can't see the words on the screen.when i received your message i couldn't sleep anymore.ah goddamn.this hurts.it sucks knowing you aren't going to pay so much attention to me anymore.or reply my messages when u read them.taneemin come back.i'm sorry.i didn't mean to be so idiotic.i really am willing to be that spare tyre.i must know how it feels when gloria decided to let go of you(even tho she didn't really).you promised you wouldn't hurt me.you said you wouldn't cheat me like the others.then why is it that this time seems to hurt the most?

 
i think im just jealous.that you'll be closer to her and not me anymore.

 
i'm really tired.stop making me feel like crap so much.why do i bother.argh.

 
seeing u was expected yet unexpected
n of cos it was nice
i like tt feeling of smiling to myself uncontrollably again n thinkin i'm crazy
but u did not c it
i hid it well
u wanted to c it
i know u did
u went to look for it...or mayb to ans some ques of urs
but i refused to give it to u..i dunno y..i juz din
n u look disappointed
u look like u got ur dreaded ans
n then it hit me
i dunno y i did wad i did
i dunno if i did rite
i dunno


ps: i caught u sneaky sneaky behind the pillar
enjoy urslef..hope u're in a dress tonite

 
insecurities.

 
i dun build nor mend walls..they r nature to me n it comes with time..
i try not to b angry but sometimes u juz so piss me off..its the jamie thingy..too much becomes toxic..remeber how sometimes i need breaks from u..ya..dunno y..
n dun keep going on bout the best fren thing..its as if u're tryin to make me feel bad or convince urself or wad i dunno..i dunno y u c a need to keep at it now..it was perfectly fine b4..
i dun trust words..they arn't my thing

 
this is silly.i hate it when we can't even talk properly.why.you can talk perfectly well online and you know that very well.it's just me isn't it.it's stupid.it's stupid i hate it.why.and you think it doesn't bother me.it does.alot in fact.and yes thanks for trying to talk.or be less angry.tho its still really hard for me.i hate it when you say you don't have enough friends.it's not the quantity its the quality remember?okay next time i promise i will tell you this super late time then i'll go earlier so you won't need those friends that are sup to help you pass your time to keep you company.no you don't.you've got enough friends.you build up walls to see who bothers tearing them down don't you.and i do.but you just keep tryin to mend them.stop it.just because i'm no longer there so often in person to tear them down doesn't mean i don't intend to.especially if i managed to tear some down and you try to repair it.i don't want.i still want my best friend.i still want it to be like when we sit beside each other and even if we don't really talk it won't be filled with that empty silence that feels like it ought to be filled.i still want to laugh and giggle over the phone over that photo.and i still want to nudge you when i catch you staring.i still want to have intelligent debates with you.i still want to have stupid crappy debates with you.i still want that jacinta lee whom i took so long to get to know.that jacinta lee that smiles and doesn't behave like that ice queen in front of me.the one whom i know i can trust to hve that shoulder to lean on.ok fine you don't like me leaning.and the one who will surprise me with a hug when i've grown tired of trying to ask cos you won't give it anyhow.the one that picks the clothes off the rack for me to try when you know i've got totally zero shopping sense.how about when we had something special.when we had a secret that no one else shared too.and we'll laugh and pretend it's something else when others ask.

i miss the best friend.

 
i really tried.i really thought you mattered.and it's getting increasingly harder.more difficult.i did delete them.she sent more.and it really sucks when she says sth like this.


[ min ]__ . save a little love for me. and you'll see. says:
IM GOING ON AN OFFICIAL CAMPAIGN TO WOO JAMIE KO


damn.it's gonna be hard if i'm going to let go.

 
等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
so i
我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

 
confusion.

this mad thing that makes you think on a millions sides every moment.


regret.

this painful thing that makes you feel like the biggest idiot in the world.


guilt .

this horrid haunting thing that reminds you that you didn't do it right.


heaven.

this place you feel like you're in when she holds your hand or wipes that tear away.
this place that is absolutely essential after you've been throuh the hell of confusion regret guilt and jealousy.


jealousy.

this heart wrenching thing that tears the life out of you.makes you feel absoultely empty when you hear about her and see that photo or listen to how they had that special song.or the heart shaped candy in the tiny box.or those ever-so-costly long distance phone calls.when she said she wished she was you so that she could treat you better.

 
我想我知道 眼泪的味道

 
i imagine meeting u along ur runs..
i imagine meeting u on the bus..
i imagine meeting u along bt..
but hey its only imagine.


i imagine me smiling at u..
i imagine me starring at u..
i imagine me talkin to u..
but hey its only imagine.